


Sixteen (and scared)

by Juniiper



Series: as long as i have you, it will all be fine [8]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, fear of open water, vercheol absolute best boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:29:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28780527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juniiper/pseuds/Juniiper
Summary: Seungcheol was sixteen and he had been dating Hansol for four months now.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Chwe Hansol | Vernon
Series: as long as i have you, it will all be fine [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2072142
Comments: 9
Kudos: 68





	Sixteen (and scared)

**Author's Note:**

> This has mentions of child negligence and a fear of open water so proceed with caution please!

  
  


Seungcheol was sixteen and he had been dating Hansol for four months now. He had reached the point where he didn’t have to knock to enter Hansol’s house. No, now he opened the door and dragged himself up the stairs to his boyfriend’s room, stopping only once to greet Hansol’s parents. 

They liked him well enough. 

Each time he wondered if they knew how his own father felt towards Hansol. 

He didn’t have time to dwell on it now though. After the day he had had, all he wanted was a cuddle and perhaps something fried to eat. 

Hansol barely moved from the bed when Seungcheol barged in and threw himself onto it, backpack forgotten on the floor. 

The bed was warm, Hansol’s presence even warmer and Seungcheol could have fallen asleep right there. 

“Did you want to talk about it?” Hansol said after a moment, his hand still rubbing comfortingly up and down Seungcheol’s back. Seungcheol thought he could tell him. 

He let out a grunt then, pressed himself even closer to Hansol, nuzzled into his neck some more just because he could. And Hansol only laughed, a sound that Seungcheol had come to love, one that made him smile regardless of everything.

Everything about Hansol was comforting, everything about him was safe. With him there wasn’t any judgement. Hansol was home to him in so many ways that Seungcheol didn't have to hide with him. 

He knew he could tell him. 

“You have to actually say something you know.” Hansol squeezed him tight once and Seungcheol relished in the tight embrace, feeling the warmth, the love. He never wanted it to end and he whined to show his discontent when Hansol loosened his hold. 

But there was only so much stalling he could do. 

“Mingyu’s new house has a pool.”

“That’s a good thing isn’t it?” Hansol asked after a moment, possibly considering how Seungcheol felt about the situation. It was much harder when his face was hidden in his boyfriend’s chest 

And yeah Seungcheol supposes it was a good thing. Most kids would have been ecstatic. Mingyu was. He had dragged Seungcheol over so eagerly,talking nonstop about how cool this was. He had insisted that Seungcheol could use it just as freely, his uncles too. He couldn’t have told them then that he was absolutely terrified at just the sight of the pool. 

And it was just as hard to admit to Hansol. 

“I’m- I can’t swim.” 

“Oh that’s okay, I could teach you if you’d like?” Hansol was always so understanding, there wasn’t a hint of judgement in his voice. Nothing to suggest that he thought it odd that a sixteen year old couldn’t swim. But he missed the point. 

“No, hyung, I  _ can’t  _ swim.” Seungcheol tried again, closing his eyes tightly as if it would take away some of the embarrassment. All phobias were real and overwhelming, it was what uncle Jeonghan had told him but somehow, being afraid of water seemed unreasonable. 

“I’m scared.” He admitted begrudgingly, picking at a loose thread on Hansol’s jeans. His cheeks coloured pink almost immediately, his ears an even darker shade as he waited for Hansol to laugh and tell him he was being a baby. 

But that never happened. 

Instead he felt a shrug and then a soft kiss to his forehead. 

“Did you tell your family that?” Hansol asked in a much gentler tone, Seungcheol felt reassured from that alone. He shook his head no and granted Hansol a kiss on his neck for being so wonderful. 

“No, I think they know. They don’t push me to get in or anything like that but it’s like they expect me to.” It was true. No one had forced him in, no one had even suggested that he do it but they looked at him with something akin to pity in their eyes when he sat on one of the poolside chairs. He wasn’t the biggest fan of that look. “Plus I can’t tell them. It’s embarrassing.”

“Why is it embarrassing?” Hansol asked him like it was something genuinely confusing. He couldn’t tell if it was some trick to make Seungcheol realise or something or if he really didn’t understand why it was embarrassing.

“Because…” Seungcheol motioned vaguely with his hand, not quite sure how to put it into words. “Everyone else can do it. Even Gyu and I’m his hyung.” 

“So? I’m your hyung and there’s lots of things that you can do that I can’t.” Hansol retaliated almost immediately, it made Seungcheol laugh and he didn’t even try to hold it back. Hansol always smiled at him when he laughed anyway. It made him feel special. Loved. 

“Yeah but still.” Seungcheol whined, not wanting to elaborate on that. And thankfully Hansol understood. 

“Okay, do you think there’s a reason why you’re so scared?” He led the conversation away and Seungcheol immediately stiffened. Memories of overflowing water, a wide basin and straining lungs floating through his mind. He didn’t want to recall them, didn’t want to dwell on them, because each time he did he felt worse than before. Hated a life that he barely knew. Hated the family he barely had. 

“I- a long time ago, I think I almost drowned.” It was hard to admit because truly he didn’t remember all of what happened, just the feeling lingered. He supposed it was what kept him away from the water, the lakes, the pool, his own bathtub. 

“When you were a kid?” Hansol asks, his voice is level, still the same gentle tone, not a hint of pity or panic. Seungcheol goes on because he feels safe. 

“It was before I was adopted.” He says quietly, wanting to retreat back into the warmth of Hansol’s arms, to hide his face away in his chest. But Hansol liked to make eye contact when they talked about things that were important. 

And really Seungcheol thought it would be harder to tell someone of the life he had before he was adopted but with Hansol it seemed easy enough. 

“My birth parents- they um- they weren’t ready to raise me I think.” It hurt to think about, hurt to recall but for some reason wanted Hansol to know. Because Hansol was truly the one person that wouldn’t treat him any different after. 

“They were both young, they went to school or something like that. I was home alone a lot of the time, at least from what I can remember.” He could think back to the times he would spend alone at home, the times he would call his mother when he was hungry, or when he would call his father when he wanted to play. He remembers not getting an answer, even when he knew when they were just in the other room. 

Thinking back to it now he wonders how they did that to him. How they ignored him so easily in the times he needed them most. 

It’s for this reason he tried to forget them because each time he thought of them he had to push down the feelings of anger. He didn’t want to blame them, didn’t want to hate them and in that case it was better not to think of them. 

“Okay” Hansol treads carefully, working around him, pulling him in tighter. 

“I tried to take a bath by myself once. My mother, she said she would help me that day but she never did and I suppose I thought I could do it myself.” Something awful rises up his throat but he pushes it down just as quickly, refusing to get overwhelmed right now. “Turns out I couldn’t. I couldn’t get the water to close, my hands didn’t reach. I remember being pulled out after a while and my mom held me for a while.” 

He remembers a warm embrace from that time, remembers the soft tone his mother had used. He doesn't remember her face but he remembers that she looked at him like she cared. 

He clings to that moment for a reason. Perhaps that was why he wasn’t able to get rid of the fear. 

“They weren’t bad people. They just weren’t ready. The timing was off and maybe if I had been born a little later things could have been different.” He feels the need to explain that to Hansol when he stays quiet for a while. Doesn’t want Hansol to hate them because now he believed they didn’t deserve it. 

“They were good to me at times too. My mom used to pinch my cheeks a lot, in moments when I wouldn’t expect it. And my dad he- he bought me toys sometimes.” He could feel his voice wavering, his breaths labored as he tried to keep himself together. 

Hansol pulled him even closer, hushed him and his frantic ramblings and Seungcheol let himself go. Let himself cry and hurt and feel because he could. 

Because Hansol understood.

“Sometimes life works out differently than we would hope.” Hansol starts quietly when Seungcheol is calm again, when he can see through the haze. “If you think about it now, you’re exactly where you needed to be.”

It’s all he says and somehow it makes more sense than everything Seungcheol had ever conjured up in his mind. In just a few words Hansol had put things into perspective for him.

This was where he was meant to be. This was the family he was meant to have and perhaps things could have been different but did he really want them to be?

Was he ever really mad at his parents? 

Because sixteen year old Seungcheol understood what must have happened. Sixteen year old Seungcheol was able to realise that he wasn’t abandoned much like four year old Seungcheol had thought. 

Life was the way it was supposed to be. What mattered was the now. 

In that moment he was grateful to his birth parents. For his parents now. For his uncles. For his best friend. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He said with a sigh and Hansol pressed a lingering kiss to his lips. His smile bright and eyes full of love. 

And he was grateful for Hansol. 

Always for Hansol. 

  
  
  
  



End file.
